A blog for the author Tom Larcombe to communicate with his readers. It also contains short stories based on his books. Mostly parts that didn't fit into the final version that readers might still be interested in. But possibly other shorts as well.
Thursday, July 30, 2020
Light Online book 4: Defender is live on Amazon.
Book #4 is live on Amazon as of this morning. You can find it at:
Finished the book a little earlier today, it started a little slow. To me the pick up after the previous book felt a little awkward. But it quickly got up to speed, even though there were a few spots that I had to shake my hear at, or that caused me some contention it was a great addition to the story.
So when's book 5 getting released? :P Joking, no joking. We need more fun to read novels.
Just finished Defender, it was a great addition to the series! I did find a few grammatical/spelling errors (one of which was hilarious), but overall enjoyable!
So, please don't take the coming list as me not liking the book. I ABSOLUTELY enjoyed it, but constructive criticism can be difficult to come by as most reviews in my experience are either sycophantic or just flames.
So, here are what I perceived as "flaws" in this story.
1. Too much focus on the human town. He has a Goblin town now, and seeing that grow as well, the differences between it and the human town, the difficulties of managing two races... all that was blatantly glossed over.
2. Lack of proper utilization. Instead of just razing goblin towns over and over, he could have tried taking them over. Either defeat the leaders and make them submit, or in a more in-character fashion, after killing the inhabitants move some of HIS goblins in, expanding his demense that way and not having to build every town from scratch. Claim ones already built.
3. The shifts between perspectives, particularly Loki's, were too abrupt. Not sure how to fix that one, I fail in that in my own writing when having multiple perspectives.
4. We don't need to see his ENTIRE character sheet for every change. Just stating the new stuff is fine and have the whole sheet at the beginning and end of the book. Otherwise it feels like you fluffing the word count.
5. Not learning Elvish. He learns Goblin to deal with town he doesn't even actually do anything with, but won't learn Elvish when he plans to open trade relations with them? Not good leadership at all.
6. Nothing... happened in this book really. The others all had an overall arc, this felt like a filler chapter in between arcs. Filler is needed, but honestly everything in this book could have been condensed as minor stuff in a main arc book.
As I said before, I enjoyed reading, and still plan to get the next one, but these are the issues I had with it.
I'm enjoying the story very much, and full of admiration for the cleverness of the seed idea. Well done, sir! I see you only plan five books in this series, and I wish there could be more as I very much like this world you've created.
The one thing that detracts from the otherwise enjoyable reading experience is the editing - or lack thereof. The frequency of errors (typos, word choice, punctuation, ambiguity, and so on) that should be corrected in the editing process is off-putting and causes confusion, pulling me out of the story to ponder what you might actually mean.
I had assumed that you do not have an editor as you are self-publishing these books, which would explain the lack of editing. (It's tough to edit one's own writing!) However, I see now from your blog posts that you actually do have an editor... Oh dear.
In any case, love the plot and the world you've created. Thank you for letting us share it!
Corrections for page #85 of Light Online Book 4: Defender:
Heights: You got the Merlons and Crenels right as far as which ones are taller than the others, but you got the sizes wrong. The Merlon should be at full body length; not five feet. So, since the Human is probably the same height as the Elf, then the Merlon should be 6 feet/2 meters tall. Thus, giving them full body coverage.
The Crennels are half the height of the Merlons. So, they should be 3 feet/1 meter tall. This gives the archers half body coverage. You could put arrow slits all the way down to the Goblin height so they can shoot too. You might want to put a step in front of the Crenels for Dwarves and Goblins.
Shooting straight down the wall: You stated that they shot straight down by leaning over the Crenels. This is not how they did it. You couldn’t even do it if you tried. At best you would fall over the wall. Amusing, but suicidal.
What they did was extended the Crenellations beyond the wall support by supporting them on Corbels. This configuration was called a Machicolation. Machicolation holes are plugged when not in use to prevent people sticking the foot through the gap.
See Shadiversity’s video on YouTube.
All about MACHICOLATIONS! the coolest castle defensive feature - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-VEgf57Ie8
You could probably state in any future books that another player spotted the way you built it and pointed out the way it should have been done.
No Motte/Moat. Additionally, you could have dug a moat at the base of the wall to make things more difficult for the attacker. Especially if you would have filled the moat with a little water and then fired one of the lightning arrows into the water. Mass electrocutions of attackers.
Additional player advanced race: I suggest a Fairy as another advance player race. The Fairy has a +2 Intelligence, +1 Agility, -1 Heartiness. The Fairy has the ability to fly and has a bonus to camouflage in a forest environment. Maybe +20. Most magic would be conducted thru their wings. Blinding Fairy Wings, Fairy Wing dust of sleeping, Fairy Wing dust of paralysis, Fairy Wing dust of growth, Fairy Wing dust of whatever. They can use their dust on themselves to allow them to grow to Human height or onto other beings or creatures. The duration is inversely proportional to growth. If cast on themselves, their wings always remain the same size (maybe nine inches). The duration may be an hour or three for Human height.
The Fairy could be played as a DPS, scout, healer, or a tank. The tank would be done with taunting and then a lot of dodging.
Fairy Plot: The Fairies can be in the unexplored higher mountains. They currently are at war with the giant bees. The giant bees are the size of softballs (10 to 12”) for the drones and the size of a beach ball (16 to 24”) for the queen.
Resolving the war would be beneficial as the Fairies could use their Fairy Wing dust of growth to enlarge the bees so that they could ride them. Perhaps using magic to also enhance the bee’s stinger for combat. They will able to take their fighting bee mounts into a dungeon as the bees would not be too big.
Additionally, the Druid could lead the queen and thus the hive into a magical Apiary in town. The Apiary would consist of the big manmade hive with a field surround by a Pergola roof and posts on the side. Both have a modified Safe Site spell on them to keep the bees inside. The workers would be wearing enchanted medallions using the same spell so the bees do not attack. The medallion has a bee figure on one side and a hive figure on the other. The workers would take the individual frames of the giant hive into another building to drain the honey from them. The honey would be fermented to make the mead for the tavern and Eddie’s inn. By using magical plants as the flowers/plants, Dominic may be able to make mead with attribute boosts or other magical effects.
Just finished reading and what a lovely continuation that was :) im certainly interested how you will wrap all things up in the final book
ReplyDeleteFinished the book a little earlier today, it started a little slow. To me the pick up after the previous book felt a little awkward. But it quickly got up to speed, even though there were a few spots that I had to shake my hear at, or that caused me some contention it was a great addition to the story.
ReplyDeleteSo when's book 5 getting released? :P Joking, no joking. We need more fun to read novels.
Just finished Defender, it was a great addition to the series! I did find a few grammatical/spelling errors (one of which was hilarious), but overall enjoyable!
ReplyDeleteJenny Finish the book and O have enjoyed the entire series can wait till next book.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSo, please don't take the coming list as me not liking the book. I ABSOLUTELY enjoyed it, but constructive criticism can be difficult to come by as most reviews in my experience are either sycophantic or just flames.
ReplyDeleteSo, here are what I perceived as "flaws" in this story.
1. Too much focus on the human town. He has a Goblin town now, and seeing that grow as well, the differences between it and the human town, the difficulties of managing two races... all that was blatantly glossed over.
2. Lack of proper utilization. Instead of just razing goblin towns over and over, he could have tried taking them over. Either defeat the leaders and make them submit, or in a more in-character fashion, after killing the inhabitants move some of HIS goblins in, expanding his demense that way and not having to build every town from scratch. Claim ones already built.
3. The shifts between perspectives, particularly Loki's, were too abrupt. Not sure how to fix that one, I fail in that in my own writing when having multiple perspectives.
4. We don't need to see his ENTIRE character sheet for every change. Just stating the new stuff is fine and have the whole sheet at the beginning and end of the book. Otherwise it feels like you fluffing the word count.
5. Not learning Elvish. He learns Goblin to deal with town he doesn't even actually do anything with, but won't learn Elvish when he plans to open trade relations with them? Not good leadership at all.
6. Nothing... happened in this book really. The others all had an overall arc, this felt like a filler chapter in between arcs. Filler is needed, but honestly everything in this book could have been condensed as minor stuff in a main arc book.
As I said before, I enjoyed reading, and still plan to get the next one, but these are the issues I had with it.
I'm enjoying the story very much, and full of admiration for the cleverness of the seed idea. Well done, sir! I see you only plan five books in this series, and I wish there could be more as I very much like this world you've created.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing that detracts from the otherwise enjoyable reading experience is the editing - or lack thereof. The frequency of errors (typos, word choice, punctuation, ambiguity, and so on) that should be corrected in the editing process is off-putting and causes confusion, pulling me out of the story to ponder what you might actually mean.
I had assumed that you do not have an editor as you are self-publishing these books, which would explain the lack of editing. (It's tough to edit one's own writing!) However, I see now from your blog posts that you actually do have an editor... Oh dear.
In any case, love the plot and the world you've created. Thank you for letting us share it!
Love the series.
ReplyDeleteCorrections for page #85 of Light Online Book 4: Defender:
Heights:
You got the Merlons and Crenels right as far as which ones are taller than the others, but you got the sizes wrong. The Merlon should be at full body length; not five feet. So, since the Human is probably the same height as the Elf, then the Merlon should be 6 feet/2 meters tall. Thus, giving them full body coverage.
The Crennels are half the height of the Merlons. So, they should be 3 feet/1 meter tall. This gives the archers half body coverage. You could put arrow slits all the way down to the Goblin height so they can shoot too. You might want to put a step in front of the Crenels for Dwarves and Goblins.
Shooting straight down the wall:
You stated that they shot straight down by leaning over the Crenels. This is not how they did it. You couldn’t even do it if you tried. At best you would fall over the wall. Amusing, but suicidal.
What they did was extended the Crenellations beyond the wall support by supporting them on Corbels. This configuration was called a Machicolation. Machicolation holes are plugged when not in use to prevent people sticking the foot through the gap.
See Shadiversity’s video on YouTube.
All about MACHICOLATIONS! the coolest castle defensive feature - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-VEgf57Ie8
You could probably state in any future books that another player spotted the way you built it and pointed out the way it should have been done.
No Motte/Moat.
Additionally, you could have dug a moat at the base of the wall to make things more difficult for the attacker. Especially if you would have filled the moat with a little water and then fired one of the lightning arrows into the water. Mass electrocutions of attackers.
Additional player advanced race:
I suggest a Fairy as another advance player race. The Fairy has a +2 Intelligence, +1 Agility, -1 Heartiness. The Fairy has the ability to fly and has a bonus to camouflage in a forest environment. Maybe +20. Most magic would be conducted thru their wings. Blinding Fairy Wings, Fairy Wing dust of sleeping, Fairy Wing dust of paralysis, Fairy Wing dust of growth, Fairy Wing dust of whatever. They can use their dust on themselves to allow them to grow to Human height or onto other beings or creatures. The duration is inversely proportional to growth. If cast on themselves, their wings always remain the same size (maybe nine inches). The duration may be an hour or three for Human height.
The Fairy could be played as a DPS, scout, healer, or a tank. The tank would be done with taunting and then a lot of dodging.
Fairy Plot:
The Fairies can be in the unexplored higher mountains. They currently are at war with the giant bees. The giant bees are the size of softballs (10 to 12”) for the drones and the size of a beach ball (16 to 24”) for the queen.
Resolving the war would be beneficial as the Fairies could use their Fairy Wing dust of growth to enlarge the bees so that they could ride them. Perhaps using magic to also enhance the bee’s stinger for combat. They will able to take their fighting bee mounts into a dungeon as the bees would not be too big.
Additionally, the Druid could lead the queen and thus the hive into a magical Apiary in town. The Apiary would consist of the big manmade hive with a field surround by a Pergola roof and posts on the side. Both have a modified Safe Site spell on them to keep the bees inside. The workers would be wearing enchanted medallions using the same spell so the bees do not attack. The medallion has a bee figure on one side and a hive figure on the other. The workers would take the individual frames of the giant hive into another building to drain the honey from them. The honey would be fermented to make the mead for the tavern and Eddie’s inn. By using magical plants as the flowers/plants, Dominic may be able to make mead with attribute boosts or other magical effects.